Weekly Thoughts
Hasta La Vista, Baby? (guide to fellowshipping) 11/15/08
Hi all,
I've been traveling almost non-stop since September 12, so it's good to be back with you today!
I've been wondering, what is the scriptural guideline for not fellowshipping with another believer?
Examples: A couple learned after 2 years that their good friends and parents of 4 weren't married, but had been living together for 15 years. (They had come to the Lord in the last 6 months) They ended the friendship at this discovery.
A family disagreed with the pastor and went to him privately, who reacted by telling them to leave the church and telling the congregation from the pulpit that they had demonic problems, and to stay away from them.
A family decided to break their friendship with another family in church because they had made a decision the first family didn't agree with.
One lady, the former nursery director of her church, didn't like the new nursery director's (a friend) changes, so got angry and broke off the friendship.
It's been said the army of the Lord is the only army that shoots it's wounded, but in today's world it seems the wounded are also enabled to stay in their hurt and continue wounding others rather than get help.
So how do we know when to pull the trigger and when to bandage them up? What does scripture say about when to break off fellowship with another disciple of Jesus?
Large city and small town dramas; scene one
When I was on staff at a mega-church my position meant that I gave many people spiritual guidance related to various sins and issues in their lives. That meant at any given service as I looked over the congregation I held in confidence knowledge about many people. I knew of (hypothetically speaking, but an accurate composite),the man battling alcoholism, the teenager doing drugs, the couple dealing with porn, the man having an affair with a co-worker but hadn't told his wife, the closet homosexual, the embezzler, the woman thinking of suicide, and so on. Name a sin and it was there at any given church service!
These people didn't know each other and therefore didn't know what was happening in each other's lives. Like a big city where strangers interact on a level no deeper than what it takes to swipe a credit card at the checkout line or bring a meal to a table, so too was church. They politely greeted one another when pastor said to say hello to someone around them before sitting down, or smiled at each other when they picked up their children after service, but the secret sins remained secret, so the dramas were played out in private.
The larger numbers in a service allow a certain anonymity, insulating people from each other, never requiring them to actually get to know each other, and the pastor would never think of kicking them out of church because (presumably, as that thinking goes) they need to be in church to grow.
I'm called to house church. And unlike the traditional church where the type of service and structure allows strangers to come together to learn of God but not touch each other's lives, house church is a small group of friends and neighbors who actually know each other and walk through life together. No matter which way we do church the question remains; when is it right to break fellowship with someone?
The plot thickens
Sometimes in the big church one member of the congregation that I had given spiritual guidance to was friends with another person dealing with a secret sin, and the first would confide in their friend, who would then come to me for advice. They were much better off before they knew, because now they didn't know if they could be friends with them any longer due to the newly revealed sin.
If only they could have remained blissfully unaware - why oh why did their friend confide in them!?
In several cases the friend even changed the service they went to so they would not have to see each other.
Enter Peter, stage right
As much as I admire and look forward to meeting the apostle Peter one day, we can always count on him to demonstrate the weakest elements of his character just when we need it.
You may remember Acts 11:19-26, that non-Jewish believers were in Antioch and the apostles first sent Barnabus to get to know them, who then brought Paul because he knew Paul was called to the Gentiles.
Later, Peter and other Jews from Jerusalem came for a visit, and Paul recalls those days while writing to the churches in Galatia. He relates this dramatic scene:
"But when Peter came to Antioch I had to oppose him publicly, speaking strongly against what he was doing, for it was very wrong. For when he first arrived he ate with the Gentile Christians. But afterwards when some Jewish friends of James came, he wouldn't eat with the Gentiles anymore because he was afraid of what these Jewish legalists, who insisted that circumcision was necessary for salvation, would say. And then all the other Jewish Christians and even Barnabus, became hypocrites too, following Peter's example, though they certainly knew better. When I saw what was happening and that they weren't being honest about what they really believed, and weren't following the truth of the Gospel, I said to Peter in front of all the others, "Though you are a Jew by birth, you have long since discarded the Jewish laws; so why all of a sudden are you trying to make these Gentiles obey them?" (Gal 2: 11-14, Living)
Cue the villain
Remember that church in this time was in homes, so this conflict took place in someone's dining or living room. Though called to minister to the Jews, Peter overlooked the Galatian's sins and ate a meal with them, until he was reminded just how "unclean" these people really were! (read Gal 5:13-21 to see their struggles)
You can always count on a religious spirit to link up with a person's Godly abhorrence of a sin to make a 1/2 truth that causes someone to fall out of a love walk and into strife!
Imagine Peter's Jewish trained mind having to overlook these Galatian's sins past and present as he sat at dinner getting to know them. In their culture sins that today would lock someone away for years were a way of life. But on the other hand he was remembering his instructions to go to Cornelius' house and the Holy Spirit coming on them (Acts 10), and he had earlier extended the hand of fellowship to Paul and Barnabus, endorsing their work among these Gentiles (Gal 2:9).
Still, these guys were struggling with sin, and when the Jews from Jerusalem came that was all Peter's internal conflict needed to reveal his struggle of religion versus love and grace. He broke fellowship with the Gentiles to fellowship with the Jews, and Paul confronted them all about their hypocrisy.
The script says
Presumably Peter and the others repented! But else where Paul does make the case for ceasing fellowship with believers. In Romans 16:17 he says "stay away from those who cause divisions and are upsetting people's faith...and avoid them." And he tells Titus that after trying to bring correction to a heretic twice, reject fellowship with him. (3:10)
In his first letter to the Corinthians he said there was a commonly known, ongoing sin in their midst, so horrible it's not even seen among the heathen, "that one should have his father's wife" (step-mother) - and he said that man should have been confronted and dealt with! (Fortunately they did, the man repented, and we have II Corinthians 7 as a result).
The above are examples Paul lists for not having fellowship with someone, but there isn't much else said about not fellowshipping with Christians in sin or kicking them out of a church, house based or otherwise.
To the Ephesians he listed the following sins, and said "let these not be named among you": Sexual sin and perversion, disgraceful/moral impurity, foolish talking (gossip), jesting (coarse/inappropriate humor/comments to one another) But falls short of saying kick offenders out. (5:1-7)
The closing scene; gaining perspective
The Great Commission says; "Go therefore and teach all nations...teaching them to observe all things I commanded you..." (Mt 28:20)
Disciples are made, not born. And they are not made by merely sitting in a church hearing a sermon because knowledge does not equal growth or maturity. Disciples apply what they are learning to their lives, and that is how growth and Christ-like character develops. That process requires friends who have been where they are; the older women teaching the younger, the older men the younger, and friends on the same level walking through life together.
Because Jesus said discipleship comes through teaching, it is understood that it is an ongoing process. No matter the church structure we attend, if we become privy to someone's sins they are struggling with, we are to help them become more Christ-like in the discipleship process, not break off fellowship.
If sin becomes a lifestyle, that may be another issue as it was in Corinth where the man's relationship with his step mother was ongoing with no effort to change (until confronted). But clearly members of the home based churches in Ephesus, Corinth, and the region of Galatia were still in various sins, including drunkedness, lying, theft, cursing, unforgiveness, strife, legalism/religion, prostitution, various sexual sins, and more - we know because Paul listed them! (I Cor 3:3, 5:1,15-18; Eph 4; Gal 5:13-21)
Yet the grounds for not fellowshipping he lists are causing strife and division, doctrinal error, and the man sleeping with his step mom. Hmmm.
Discipleship is a life-long process, and it must be lived in relationship with imperfect people. God the Father sent Jesus to bring righteousness legally, but there is no proof of Christ in our heart other than how we walk in love and treat one another. They will know us by our love, not by how many of our wounded we "shoot".
That's what I've been thinking on this week,
Blessings,
John Fenn
Skype: JFennTulsa
